Love, courtship, dating, and marriage!
These are the topics that single people wanted to hear, listen, and learn.
A set of questions was sent to me regarding this topic about dating and relationship in their singles ministry. When can you say that you are both already in a boyfriend and girlfriend stage? Does this have to be confirmed through a formal proposal or engagament? And is boyfriend-girlfriend relationship unbiblical?
Let me say this first that when I explain something about relationship I am not being legalistic nor judgemental. The Lord has given us the freedom to decide whether to follow our conviction based from the Scripture or our emotion based on human practicality. If what you believed according to your biblical conviction is aligned with the Scripture then you stand on it.
According to general understanding, a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship has no formal commitment in getting married yet. In otherwords, they are not thinking yet about preparing for their wedding because they are in a stage of “getting-to-know-each-other” first. While some guys would like to play-safe that the lady is now within their perimeter.
Unfortunately, the lady is left wondering if the guy is really serious about their relationship because they are not even discussing about their wedding, savings, or future in their private conversation.
After several years of “getting-to-know-each-other” and saving-up for their wedding, then proposal comes into play. This time the guy will bring her girlfriend to a nice place, with all their intimate friends waiting for the prepared regalla. After a few minutes or hours of presentation then the guy shows her a very beautiful engagement ring asking, “Will you marry me?” Then she will now release her very sweet, “Yes!” And that’s the time that they can formally move to a fiancè-fiancèe engagement stage.
Then comes a serious wedding preparation in less than a years time where they both attend a wedding preparation or a wedding seminar that talks about the seriousness and practicalities of marriage.
Is there something wrong with relational arrangement?
There is none!
There is nothing wrong with boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and this kind of beautiful marriage proposal with matching programs. As a believer you are free to exercise this kind of single couples relationship and marriage proposal.
In fact, the Bible has nothing dogmatic to say about such practices because it’s different in every culture for each nation. However, what must be strongly observed in a relationship, whether it be boyfriend-girlfriend or engagement prior to marriage is none other than purity and holiness!
How are you with your purity and holiness as boyfriend and girlfriend?
In your boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, are you engaging in sexual promiscuity?
In that relationship that you have right now as boyfriend and girlfriend, are you engaging in petting when you are left alone to yourselves?
Did you once entertained sexual fornication or physical contact?
If your answer is yes then you need a serious counselling with your church pastor even before it damages your future marriage relationship. Remember, you will both build your own generation of God-fearing children.
I remember several years ago telling myself that I would not say the words “I love you!” unless I am sure of that single God-fearing lady who will become my future wife.
A Christian lady who loved and fears the Lord so much and involved in a church ministry where we both share the same mission and vision.
I met Liza at Victory U-belt. We became friends then close friends in the church for more than five years. We were involved along with the other single professionals in serving as volunteers in the church ministry during that time.
When the kairos moment came for me to propose, I said for the first time these words, “I love you!” then immediately coupled with, “Will you marry me?” to her.
Fortunately, she said, “Yes!” Probably because we have enough years of friendship.
It’s great to know even before that her spiritual conviction has also dictated her that she will never enter into any relationship unless the guy will be her future husband.
Some of you may asked, “Did we went through a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship?”
No! We did not. This is because we were engage right away for a year in preparation for our upcoming wedding. It may be a year of engagement but several years of building friendly relations with each other.
The wedding preparation is another testimony in itself.
I don’t believed even for a moment that this is all about our culture is different than yours. It’s all about our very own belief that we grounded our spiritual conviction in the Word of God.
We have our own reason for doing it. And this is to avoid possible immorality along the way so we could be a testimony to our future children that if the Lord honored the faith of their dad and mom then surely He will honor theirs as well.
One time, while I was driving with my family, our then eleven-year old son asked me about how I proposed to his mom. After telling him about a detailed story he quickly responded by saying, “Oh, okay!”
I wondered saying, “Why do you asked?”
“I also asked mom about it!,” he said.
Then I immediately turned to my wife asking, “Did we tell him the same story?” Then she smiled at me by saying, “Yes!”
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” – 1 Peter 1:14-16
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. – Proverbs 31:10-11
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:30
Future generations will serve him; they will speak of the Lord to the coming generation. – Psalm 22:30